Alright, here we go. Day 28 is tomorrow, I ended up doing my first shot by myself and not reporting on it because nothing happened at that point. it was boring. yea, it was exciting that I did it myself and everything but who cares.

anyways, NOW i have something to report!

Sometime around July 30th i woke up with a painful sensation on my chest. YESSSSSS! i poked around and prodded and went to the bathroom and noticed that my chest was poking out a bit! YESSSS my nipples are super sensitive right now too. i can barely wear a rougher shirt because it feels like it's just tearing them up.


anyways, so to recap on changes big and small:

Nipples are super sensitive.
boobs are coming in.
kelso smacked them and i just about screamed
I dont smell like a man in my nether regions
i don't smell in general anymore.
my elbows are not dry and ashy anymore
i can sit in positions i haven't been able to sit in since i was a kid.

End week 1:

nothing to report. i got my spironolactone yesterday though. 

mental status is an A+

physical status is a F- (no changes yet)

OH but i don't smell bad at the end of the day, but i never really did to begin with but my teeshirts still smell like clean laundry by the end which is odd. 

Day 3: Nothing has changed, i'm happier. my mental state is better, which is cool...and my skin and hair feels soft. but again, placebo effect.

Okay cool, so I started HRT yesterday at 10:00AM (July 8th, 2014).

Today at 10:00AM was 24 hours since then. This will be my timeline/blog/yes.

Changes today: (possible placebo effects)

Physical:
(i'm pretty sure all of these are placebo effects as it's only been 24 hours and that's SUPER soon.)
Skin feels softer
I don't smell weird
My hair smells like shampoo still rather than oil and the smell of man

emotional:
definitely feel better, but that might be because of the adderall.
not much has changed here, I feel pretty normal.

sexual:
gone; i don't really have the desire to do anything right now.

http://thmotorsports.com/d2_racing/d2_coilovers_sl_series/dto521sl/i-1954078.aspx

http://www.mtechnica.com/wheels

Priority list

get dogs shots and haircuts, make them comfortable for the summer
pay off bills

Fathers day is right around the corner. My birthday is right around the corner. My transday is right around the corner(the day i start hormones). so many things are happening in the next couple of months.

this coming fathers day is going to be the first fathers day where i'm going to be truely comfortable with myself. not just being a father but myself, i'm going to be comfortable with myself and myself being a father. it'll be the first fathers day where i'm not worried about the outcome of anything. but even though it'll be a fathers day that marks a first for me it begs the questions: 

What kind of father will i be? 

What kind of father am i? 

some of you will say that i'm a great father and that i will be a great father. I'm not going to argue that, i'm going to get a little cocky and just say that i KNOW i'm a great father and i'm a hell of a lot better than my own.

but what i meant by the questions is whether or not kelso will see that. I'm going to begin my transition, i'm going to begin becoming a woman soon. It all starts july 16th. My worst fear is the day kelso wakes up and doesn't see his father anymore. the day he doesn't see his daddy. the day he sees a stranger. 

it bugs me to no end. will he forever resent me for doing this to him? will he hate me? will he still let me be his dad? whats going to happen?

hieu, hieu, hieu. remember this for when you aren't a broke joke.

diamond racing wheels has your wheels
http://www.diamondracingwheels.com/index.php/street-wheels/smoothie-wheel

onlinetires.com has your tires.

http://www.speedhunters.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Wekfest-Japan-092-1200x800.jpg

"It feels as if you had a menu in hand and anxiously, hungrily waited for 20-something years, then when the universe came over to take your order, you didn’t have the slightest clue what you want."

well fuck. 
what.
how. 
ugh.
I don't know how to feel. This is so...normal. how has this become so normal? I have no idea what i'm doing. Am i making the right decision? am i making the wrong decision? am i doing this the right way? am i doing this all wrong? 


ugh.